A Willing Heart
My first year in masters God called me to missions. Thinking back on how it happened always makes me smile at how God works. I entered the year with the idea that I would do worship and it was going to be great. Missions was never even a thought in my mind, at all! I've always loved traveling but the idea of living on the mission field was never an exciting thought to me. When the time came to pick which institute I would be in that year, I looked at the paper and suddenly I didn't know what to do. In that moment I had a conflict. Missions or worship? And then on top of that, I was confused because I didn't understand why there was a conflict to begin with. So I circled both which meant that I needed help deciding and turned it in. Then, Pastor Shawn and Mrs. Nichole called me up to explain why I couldn't pick between the two. The words that came out of my mouth shocked me! I said, "because I love worship and it's a gift God gave me, but he has called me to the mission field." What?!?!? In that moment I wanted to slap myself and ask me why I would ever say something so absurd. Pastor Shawn looked at me and said, "then it's obvious, you are in missions."
The peace that I felt in that moment was unreal. I questioned many times if the mission field was really where God was calling me to, and He gave me several conformations throughout the year. I accepted the call, but I didn't understand what it was going to require of me until very recently.
-----
Yesterday I read a book called "The Barbarian Way" by Erwin Raphael McManus. It was a really quick and easy read and I finished it in a few hours. The book started off with a scripture in Judges talking about Jephthah. This was not the basis of the book, but rather just a reference to one of the points they were making. Where it led me has nothing to do with what I learned in the book. (Although I do recommend the book and did find it challenging)
After finishing the book I couldn't get Jephthah out of my mind so I grabbed my Bible and turned to Judges so I could read all of his story. He was cast from his father's house by his brothers and dwelt in a land that was not his own. Later, when the people of Ammon made war against Israel the elders went to Jephthah and asked him to be their commander against the people of Ammon and lead them to victory. He agreed and returned and began to prepare.
[Judges 11:29-33]
Jephthah's Vow and Victory
"Then the Spirit of The Lord came upon Jephthah, and he passed through Gilead and Manasseh, and passed through Mizpah of Gilead; and from Mizpah of Gilead he advanced toward the people of Ammon. And Jephthah made a vow to The Lord, and said, "If You will indeed deliver the people of Ammon into my hands, then it will be that whatever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the people of Ammon, shall surely be the Lord's, and I will offer it up as a burnt offering." So Jephthah advanced toward the people of Ammon to fight against them, and The Lord delivered them into his hands. And he defeated them from Aroer as far as Minnith- twenty cities- and to Abel Keramim, with a very great slaughter. Thus the people of Ammon were subdued before the children of Israel."
That was a very bold vow he made to God. I imagine that upon his return home he found himself in a very nervous state waiting to see what or who he would have to offer to God. I'm sure I would be scared. As I read on to see the outcome of that vow I was left in complete awe.
[Judges 11:34-40]
Jephthah's Daughter
"When Jephthah came to his house at Mizpah, there was his daughter, coming out to meet him with timbrels and dancing; and she was his only child. Besides her he had neither son nor daughter. And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he tore his clothes, and said, " Alas, my daughter! You have brought me very low! You are among those who trouble me! For I have given my word to The Lord, and I cannot go back on it." So she said to him, " My father, if you have given your word to The Lord, do to me according to what has gone out of your mouth, because The Lord has avenged you of your enemies, the people of Ammon." Then she said to her father, "Let this thing be done for me: let me alone for two months, that I may go and wander on the mountains and bewail my virginity, my friends and I." So he said, "Go." And he sent her away for two months; and she went with her friends, and bewailed her virginity on the mountains. And it was so at the end of two months she returned to her father, and he carried out his vow with her which he had vowed. She knew no man. And it became a custom in Israel that the daughters of Israel went four days each year to lament the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite."
There is so much in those few verses that speak wonders of the character of Jephthah's daughter, and after reading it several times I believe there are a few things we can glean from this woman. I try and imagine how I would feel and react if this were me. I had just planned a big celebration for my fathers return home from war with dancing and music and the first words he says to me are that "you have brought me very low," and "you are among those who trouble me." Wow! I'm pretty sure those were not the words she was expecting. It goes on and he says that he has made a vow to The Lord and he cannot go back on it. Rather than try to beg and plead, she immediately responds that he must do to her what he has vowed. I don't know about you, but I would probably be throwing a fit saying "Woe is me!" She then asks for two months to go into the mountains with her friends (female companions) and bewail her virginity. After the two months, she returns, and the vow is carried out.
I don't believe the vow was that he would kill his daughter. Human sacrifice was not allowed and I don't think he would have made a vow to God that was against God's law. Many Bible scholars agree that the vow was that she would be devoted completely to God. She would never marry or have kids and her life became a service to God. Jephthah had no other children so this would also mean that his name would not be carried into future generations. It was a sacrifice for both of them.
I'm not saying that God is asking me to sacrifice something like the possibility of ever getting married(in fact, on the contrary, I believe He has called me to marry and have kids one day), but after reading this I am challenged in how I will respond when God does call me to sacrifice things. I wonder if there was a part of her that thought about running away when she was in the mountains those two months, and just not going back. She didn't though, she returned, and she faced the sacrifice with trust that God was worth it.
God is continually calling me to a place of sacrifice. God is calling me to go places and let go of my comforts of home or always knowing where I am going.
----
My friend Robin would always joke that God was going to call me to Africa because it was the one place that I didn't want to go. The idea of living there terrified me, plus when I think of Africa I think of heat, and I hate being hot! I came to the place where I said I would go if God asked me to, but there was no joy in my heart about it. Willingness with a crabby attitude is not a pretty thing.
A few weeks ago I moved out of my parents house and into the house next door. It was built for my aunt who is now in the nursing home and it is in my parents yard. I still have them next door (literally like 15 feet away) if I need anything, but I also have a place to myself the rest of the time. In this home of mine, there is one window unit to cool off the entire house, and the air does not circulate very well. I have a big industrial fan in the hallway so that I can try and get air into the bedroom at night. One night, it was just not doing its job and it was miserably hot. I laid in bed with no blankets on just praying. I said "God, if you are preparing me for Africa and the heat you sure picked a fantastic way to do so!" Looking back on that now I laugh, but in that moment, I was so serious.
-----
I do not know if God is calling me to Africa. I do not know where I will go. All I know is that God is calling me to a place where I am willing to sacrifice my comforts and pursue him. I find that each and every day He is giving me a heart that desires to be yielded and willing to His calling. If he wants me to spend the rest of my life in the jungle of Africa with a tent as my home, then that tent will be my place of rest and joy. If he calls me to Russia, China or the middle of Port Barre, Louisiana, then my heart is open and willing to sacrifice my own comfort to be with Him.
Jephthah's daughter wouldn't have chosen that life for herself. She went into the mountains for two months to weep over the sacrifice she was going to have to make. But, after that was done, she willlingly went where her Father called her. I believe on that mountain she found her peace and her joy in Christ. That her willingly heart was filled with the joy of her King and in knowing that she would be found in Him.
I had my "mountain time." My "two months of bewailing" so to say. But there comes a time where we must decide if we will run from the sacrifice and calling because of fear, or if we will willingly step into that life with the joy and fulfillment of Christ.