Sick Day
I woke up this morning at four with a really itchy and irritated throat. I'm sure everyone can testify to how uncomfortable that feels. I laid in my bed for about thirty minutes hoping I would just fall back asleep and it would go away. When I couldn't fall back asleep I decided I would go take some medicine. So with all the strength I could muster up I hopped out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom to grab some Benadryl. The light from the bathroom hurt my tired eyes and so I quickly poured the medicine into my mouth and turned the lights off. Then I was faced with this really awkward after taste in my mouth and I knew I needed some water. So with no lights on and only my hands to guide the way I found my way into the kitchen and got a water bottle. I somehow was able to find my way back to bed only running into the couch and dresser once. I'm not sure how long it took for the medicine to kick in but eventually I fell into a very hard sleep. When I finally woke up for good this morning I didn't feel like myself. I felt tired and drained and really weak. Over the past twenty years of my life I have come to learn the way my body works and I know when I am getting sick. I can feel it. So I went about my morning routines and then went next door to have breakfast with my mom. After breakfast I could feel my eyes closing and so I did what I normally do when I am sick and not feeling good. I grabbed a blanket and pillow and curled into a ball on the couch and slept.
It wasn't just a cold or my allergies acting up. I felt like I did whenever I was coming down with a fever. I get super weak. I can't walk. I don't want to eat, and I have these random hot flashes and chills that alternate every ten minutes or so. My head didn't feel hot though. So I didn't have a fever I just felt awful. So I laid on that couch until three this afternoon. Only moving to switch sides that I was sleeping on. I got up maybe twice the whole time and each time I did get up pretty much took an act of congress because I was so weak.
Then I did something that I never do when I am sick. I got up and fixed me something to eat. I ate and then I walked around the house for a little while trying to give myself some energy. I actually started to feel a little better too. But, then I went back to the couch and laid there for awhile again.
When I'm sick, I don't ever leave the house. So it's not like I was rolling around in a puddle of mud or anything. But, I always want a hot shower when I'm sick. I don't know why. Call it tradition if you want, but that's what I do. I also always feel awful after a shower or bath and not very long after I am running fever. So what do I do? I take a hot shower. (Sometimes I wonder if common sense just leaves my body completely when I am not feeling well)
I started feeling weak right when I got out.
No surprise there.
So, I got back into my little ball on the couch and laid down like the pathetic girl that I was. I started thinking about different things. I was thinking about the last time I was sick and then I got to thinking about every time I have been sick over the last year. I don't know why I started thinking about this, but I did. I started thinking about how the only times that I have ever eaten anything when I wasn't feeling good was when someone made me. I was thinking about all the people that have taken care of me when I was sick over this past year and everything they did to make me feel better. About my roommates who would pray over me and make me laugh. I realized I was never sick longer than a day at a time this year. I was encouraged to get better and do things to help myself get better.
So as I laid on the couch, not feeling good, thinking about all of this, I recalled how I got up earlier and I fixed myself food and I walked around and how I felt after I did those things. I felt tired still, but I wasn't as weak as I was when I just laid there not moving.
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We all have sick days sometimes. Physically and spiritually. It's important that we don't allow ourselves to just lay there and hope that it will pass soon. We must choose to actively do something. God rewards faith in big ways. You may start off slow. Holding on to anything near you so that you don't fall down. But, with each step you take your strength will increase.
I think that we get scared too easily. We have been walking this path and we see God's hand upon us and we feel great and then all of a sudden we "get sick" and we panic because we weren't expecting it.
This past week has been wonderful for me as far as my joy. I have kept myself fairly busy this past week. I've been doing a lot of things. Exploring new places. Developing new passions.
So when I woke up this morning not feeling good I didn't know what to do. I had been so busy and here I was with nothing to do and not feeling good. And, I so easily found myself in my old routine for "sick days."
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I'm thankful for God's grace and for His gentle voice that speaks to me. I had allowed myself to think that the reason I have been doing so good or the reason I had this new joy was because I was occupying myself with doing things. And, that when I wasn't doing those things I wouldn't be as joyful.
I have joy because Jesus gave me joy. Those passions that He is stirring up in me are from Him. There is no doubt in my mind that they aren't. But, I have joy in the quietness too. I have joy when the excitement of exploring and doing things isn't near. When it's just me alone in a house all day.
I have strength because he gave me strength. Not just for days when I am feeling great and like I can conquer the world, but also on days when my body is tired and I may not be up for much. I have strength when I actively pursue Christ and press on.
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Don't allow yourself to fall into your old routines because you are scared to walk. Don't let your "sick day" allow you to doubt what God has done in you and where He is taking you. And, don't undermine quiet moments with Jesus. Quiet moments with Him does not mean you aren't walking. Never mistake busyness as holiness. Accept each moment as they come. In your busy days and your not so busy days. Take a step for each of them and walk through that day as God calls you to walk through it.