Perspective vs. Reality
I seem to talk about perspective a lot. It's something that I am constantly finding myself having to work on. Our flesh is constantly at war with all things spiritual and having a Godly perspective isn't something that I will one day have mastered never having to work at it again. It's a daily fight and something I was definelty reminded of today.
I have been in Moldova for the past ten days working with some missionaries there and doing ministry with the youth. God moved through everything and I was able to make connections with girls there despite language barriers and cultural differences that I'm very blessed by. God also did a lot in me. He used me in ways that I never thought I would be used in and has shown me more of the freedom I have in Him. It was a very busy time and I went to bed each day very tired and woke up early each morning still very tired. So, when we packed up everything yesterday evening and began our journey back to Romania, I was ready to get in my bed and sleep. Of course that didn't happen right away. It took about seven maybe eight hours to drive from Moldova to Targoviste. We had to go through the border and all that fun stuff. When we finally made it to our apartment it was around 2:30 A.M. I am really weird about getting in my bed if I feel dirty. So, after eight hours sitting in a van with other people I felt gross. As much as I longed to get in my bed and drift off, I couldn't until I showered. So I did. It's now about three in the morning. I wrap myself in all my blankets trying to warm up and get comfy in my bed! I'm also an extremely light sleeper. Any kind of noise or light will usually wake me up and it takes me awhile to fall back asleep. So around 4/4:30 in the morning I hear my roommate Ashlie talking to someone on Skype and I'm completely confused. Who in the world could she be on skype with? And why would she after being so tired when we made it back? She knows how light of a sleeper I am! Why would she think that's ok?! So I do this little yell/mumble thing telling her I can hear her talking. Her response is, "Adele, go back to sleep." What!? Go back to sleep! Excuse me? My voice got a little louder this time and I tell her that I can't sleep with her talking. She stops talking after that and I don't hear anything again and I finally fall asleep. I slept forever. I didn't really wake up for good until about 2 P.M. today. That's how tired I was. When I finally get out of bed Ashlie is up on her phone and asked how I slept. I say fine and then I remember everything that happened earlier and I ask her who in the world she decided to skype at four in the morning when I was trying to sleep. She asked what I was talking about. Turns out, that whole conversation never happened. At all. Not on her part anyway. So while I was talking and telling Ashlie to be quiet, she never said anything back to me. It was all in my head. I basically had an entire conversation with myself. Talk about knowing when you are exhausted. Having full blown conversations in your head that you believe are real. I can laugh about it now but when it happened I was so upset. What I thought was my reality was really only my perspective. It wasn't real.
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Our perspectives are not always our realities. Our emotions and feelings more often than not determine our perspectives. It's something I'm really having to ask God to help me with every day. To have His perspective. To see things the way He sees them. To not let my feelings determine what I think or what I call truth. I am constantly reminding myself of grace and gentleness and that I need to be that even when I'm frustrated or upset but sometimes I just can't see why people do the things they do or are the way they are. What I have learned today though is how flawed my perspective has been. It needs to be about Jesus always. If I have His perspective, if I see everything and everyone the way He does, I would save myself a lot of grief trying to understand people or situations. There are things I can't understand. There are things I can't change. When I allow my own perception of things to get in the way, I completely miss out on the fact that God is doing things that I can't see. And, when I miss out on that I'm also missing out on the peace that follows knowing that God is at work past what I see and what I feel. That He is greater than those things. I don't want to miss out on His peace and His truth. And, I definitely don't want to believe something to be reality based on my perspective when it's not.
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[ 2 Corinthians 4:18]
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
[ Isaiah 55:8]
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares The Lord."
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Pray for me, that I would seek out Christ's perspective in every area of my life. That I would have eyes that see the way He does.