In the Now
[Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 MSG]
After looking at the way things are on this earth, here’s what I’ve decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that’s about it. That’s the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what’s given and delighting in the work. It’s God’s gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now. It’s useless to brood over how long we might live.
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I realized this morning that this is the first time in my life that I'm truly having to live in the now. The first time in my life that I'm not counting down to something else, some milestone or new thing. And, I realize how much that scares me. I have a job now and started working. I am a nanny, and also the house cleaner. This week was my first week with the girls. They just moved down from Illinois. It's also been a roller coaster of emotions. The first day I got home after work and just cried because I was so stressed out and confused. I woke up the next morning still stressed out which only got worse when I couldn't find my keys. Very upset I finally found them and then cried because that whole ordeal. As the day went on though, I became more peaceful. I had a talk with my boss which helped because we were able to talk through a few miscommunications that had me worried. Now I'm at a place where I am peaceful about this job and feel like I can do it but also scared that I will be here longer than I would like. I've been a nanny before, and I have worked with kids my entire life, but this isn't something I want to do for my whole life. My heart is worship and ministry and I hope to one day find myself working for a church.
So, this morning, as I was washing dishes, it hit me that I'm finally living completely in the present with nothing to look to in the future because I have no idea what my future holds. I mean, really, there has always been something to count down too. You count down to when you will finally be in high school, to when you can finally drive. I counted down to graduating high school. Then to when I started Masters Commission. While in XMC, I counted down to when I would graduate my first year. Then I looked to when I would start my second year and then eventually graduate and get my bachelors degree. I counted down to when I would leave to go to Romania, and then in Romania, I counted down to when I would be back home. There has always been something.
I have an apartment, I have a job, and I have bills. Don't misunderstand me, I know there is a purpose in all of that. I'm thankful that I have these things. And, as scary as it is to me, I'm thankful for this season. I'm thankful because I know that it's in seasons like this, where I'm a little uncomfortable and a little scared, that I grow. It's during these times that I must depend completely on God and trust him to be everything that I need.
So, I'm learning to live in the today. More so than ever before. There is a saying that wherever you are, be all there. I'm getting to relearn this and apply it. I don't know how long God will have me here and I don't know what to expect as far as my future goes. But, I know that God has me here for a reason. And, I know that He is with me.
Live life where God has you and make the most of your time there.
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[Psalm 118:24 AMP]
This is the day which the Lord has brought about; we will rejoice and be glad in it.